I'm so excited!
I get to see Christina tonight and I spoke with my cousin Bruce who I am and always have been very close with and he is coming home today!!! He left his wife a letter and is on the plane to come home and live with my aunt! I have seen him twice in the last 10 years probably and miss him so much! I get to see Heather today too and Tatyana is so excited about that, almost as much as I am. She wanted to know if Heather was going to spend the night and I said no, probably not. I wish they would, but Brianna is with her and we don't know her very well. Would make an uncomfortable situation and so we all agreed not. I have an appointment right after work and then home to get in the van and go visiting. The heat is not supposed to get as hot as it was supposed to. Only by a few degrees but not 105.
So, I learned this morning that it seems like my husband is waiting for an excuse to leave. Like, I have cheated on you, and then of course he would be gone. What a great fucking feeling!!! I am doing nothing. I don't know what to do so nothing it is. I don't like ultimatums as most people don't so why bother? He won't go to counciling. I have been and I'm still in the same boat. We don't talk privately because of one reason or another. Tatyana is usually always with us and it is not the place for adult talk. I don't get any where anyway. He doesn't want to hear it. That's what I get all the time, you're doing it again, or get off me or shut up about it will you or is that all you think about. So what do you do?
So, I learned this morning that it seems like my husband is waiting for an excuse to leave. Like, I have cheated on you, and then of course he would be gone. What a great fucking feeling!!! I am doing nothing. I don't know what to do so nothing it is. I don't like ultimatums as most people don't so why bother? He won't go to counciling. I have been and I'm still in the same boat. We don't talk privately because of one reason or another. Tatyana is usually always with us and it is not the place for adult talk. I don't get any where anyway. He doesn't want to hear it. That's what I get all the time, you're doing it again, or get off me or shut up about it will you or is that all you think about. So what do you do?
posted by Tanya @ 8:39 AM
1 Comments:
At 5:10 AM,
Jennifer said…
Brian and I went thru a spell, back when he was on his medication for depression, where he wasn't as interested in sex. I know that can be a side effect, but this was after he started being weaned off his medicine and after we had been at a stage where we were doing it A LOT. I felt like it was me. Like he wasn't interested or whatever, even though he acted VERY interested. He would say things, like, sex isn't everything and if you feel like it is, then we should just break up now, blah, blah, blah. I agreed that it wasn't everything and left it alone for a bit. We broke up anyway and when we got back together, we were doing it like rabbits again. I was like, What the F? So we talked and he admitted that even when he isn't on the medicine, he would sometimes have a hard time keeping an erection, and his wife cheated on him badly, and he knew he wasn't around physically a lot for me, except on weekends, so he was feeling a lot of pressure to perform. He felt like I'd find someone more convenient so he would put up walls and act like sex wasn't a big deal.
He is doing that again, of course, and I knew he would. We get to a certain "closeness" level and he freaks out.
I'm not saying that TJ has ANY of this going on. My point is that a lot of guys are not willing to talk about this stuff. It could be something really small and if he'd just tell you about it, you'd be like, "That is no big deal. We can fix that." but because he won't communicate, you don't know what is wrong, and so you think up reasons as to what is wrong and you feel shut out and alone and this is a way for him to control things.
Brian, too, likes to control things and one of the ways he likes to do it is thru sex. He always decides when we're going to do it and where. Then he complains that I don't ever just grab him and jump on him. I'm like, WHAT??? When I do, and if you're not in the mood, I get the "Not now. Gee, is that all you ever think about? Sex isn't everything." lecture!
I'm not going to encourage you to do anything other than first, have a long talk with God, which I'm sure you've done, but I have to say it anyway. Then, confront TJ again, at a time when he's calm. Warn him ahead of time and say, "Look, we need to talk and if you care anything at all about me, then you will be at such and such a place at this time."
He's not going to want to hear about how he's failing you. So instead, say "Look, I'm feeling like you don't love me or want to be with me because of..." and list the reasons. There are different love styles and it sounds to me like you are like me. We are more physical with our lovestyle. TJ is probably the type that likes to be shown love by a clean house or a nice supper or having other things done to show you care. There is nothing wrong with either of these, if you can both recognize what the other partner needs to feel love. It sseems like TJ is unwilling to take your needs into consideration. He feels like because he takes care of you, you should know he loves you. That is because that is HIS way of feeling loved. You like those things and appreciate them, but for you, you need more physical demonstrations to feel loved.
Anyway, I will not tell you to cheat or not to cheat. I will tell you to exhaust all avenues of communication with TJ before you do. Even then, I'd just leave at that point. If he's unwilling to meet you part way, don't even bother cheating, because that gives him justification.
However, look how long I've stayed with Brian. Look how many second, third, fourth chances he's gotten. But Brian at least talks to me (when we're a couple) and goes to counseling. I'm not married to him, so it is easier to walk away, too. You made a vow. One I am quite sure you take seriously. TJ is the one not holding up his end of the bargin.
You will get thru this, I promise you.
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