Monday

Wish I could say the weekend was wonderful, it was romantic, had a great time, enjoyed the one I'm with, but I can't. I enjoyed reading everyone else's blogs who did have a great time though. I guess I'm stuck with that. Some how, that just isn't enough though.

Went to Izzy's for Pizza Saturday night, and it was quite warm out to say the least. We have to go in his car, because, well, it's HIS car. We have to roll down the windows because the AC isn't charged, but the Van has AC. So, our hair is all blown about, and I fix that, to walk into the establishment to find they have no AC! So, we want to leave, but no. Taty wants pizza. So, we go in, sweat immediately starts forming on my lip, trickling down my scalp like it does when one is REALLY warm, and he sits across the table from me and informs me that "it's not THAT hot". So, because of his thermostat in his body and because he says so, I'm not supposed to sweat?! Because the AC bothers his contacts is why we can't just be comfortable for the short trip to Izzy's? Lovely weekend, and that was on Saturday! It got progressively worse. It started on Friday when I woke him up for him to walk by me and say "do you know that you have a zit on your face?" I WON'T tell you what I felt like saying back to him, but I kept my mouth shut, and kept my cool and walked out of the room. When Friday night came around, and earlier that morning I had told him that I didn't like him, he obviously had forgotten by Friday night, and questioned my "attitude" He justified that my saying well, i was just teasing, and then saying, well, I thought maybe you didn't know and I was just telling you so you did know. I put a stop to that, but as I said, the tension only grew worse. I'm still not liking him much today. Taty is with us at every waking moment, so I must keep my P's and Q's to myself or open a much bigger can or worms that what is already open. My stress level and unhappiness level is at its maximum capacity right now. I still have a cold, which we went to 2 different stores last night to get me something, while they sat in the heat ( not if we would have taken the Van!) all to have the pharmacies closed, so they couldn't help me. Too bad our police force don't realize that it's the fucking mexicans importing meth to our country by the boat loads and doesn't have nearly as much to do with people who are sick and need some medicine to get well with. I guess that is a whole different story. It takes quite a lot of Sudafed to be separated in the bathtub to make a VERY small amount of meth.

I still don't have any Contact for my cold, but plan to today after Melanie gets here at 11:00. Today is Christina's first day at her new schedule. It's 83 in the lobby as of now, was 86 when I first got here. This building sucks for AC, I hope the heat will do better in the winter. I'm about out of the notion for heat thanks to my husband who won't even open the back door to let cool air in, won't take the vehicle with AC because it isn't his, and this building that can't keep up to a comfortable standard. I can't take clothes off, or wear any less without making anyone sick! The constant weather changes aren't helping me any either, between the building and our weather here in general. I was so uncomfortable last night with a snotty nose, way too hot in our apartment and trying to get comfortable in general. I finally got up and went to the couch after going to the bathroom because it was so hot, he was snoring, and i'm sick to death of watching or listening to the Military channel to sleep. I might just kill him one night, since that's usually what's on, something to do with war, death, distruction, killing. He said to me the other night, "if my gun accidentally went off and killed me, you wouldn't even care, would you?". I said nothing. I'm trying to listen in the back of my head what my grandma always said, if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all.

I wonder what it would be like to have control over my home, my body and my choices to make? The choice to watch what I want to, to listen to what I want to on TV, the choice to spend ANY money and not feel like I'm being crusified for it? To go visit someone without using "his" time and get the guilty complex for it, because I'm doing something I want to on "his" time? Go visit friends together as a couple like we used to, go out together like we used to, be any kind of intimate like we used to, like for example Just cuddle? A hug that takes longer than 4 seconds and then pull away? I wonder...........